Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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