If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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