I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
