Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
