i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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