I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
