That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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