2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm passing your future prison.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
