apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I think I just sharted jello shots
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
