I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
