i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
soo... how was my night?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
