I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
