I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
