i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
