Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize