hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
