The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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