Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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