He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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