Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
