what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
