Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
