Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
