You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
