And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize