Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
