So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
