Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
