Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
