Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Im part way to drunk.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
