Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
