Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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