the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize