i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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