is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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