I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
