I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
