the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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