When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
