I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
