K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
