I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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