The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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