Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
