Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
