mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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