I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
