he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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