1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
now i know why i became what i already was.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize