did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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