Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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