Cold hands, warm shart.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
