I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
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You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.