Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
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Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
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It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.