chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This is the high leading the old right now
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Congratulations! We have a period
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