Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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