The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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