Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
