All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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