she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
