So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
