I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
