Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
