Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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