I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
