you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
