drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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