so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
