I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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